"What I loved most in Fay was her sincerity... All the shell I'd been so careful to build around me was melted away by her. I had to be honest about myself from the start with Fay. I told her my story and she cried and kissed me. She came in and filled the empty spot in me with her love. After that we were inseparable. We ate together, studied together, played together, and, when possible, we slept together. Sometimes on weekends when I had sold a painting and had some extra money we would go out to a motel. Fay let me dress in her clothes then. We both wore size 14T. If you could have seen the sparkle in her eyes. She knew how much I needed her, and all Fay really wanted from life was to be needed.

"We were married in June of '61, one week after we graduated. I taught art at night, and did commercial artwork, mostly technical illustrations, during the day. Fay was a fashion model.

"I didn't have much time to myself then. But when we were home alone I lived as a girl. I had practiced voice control until I could probably have passed for a soprano at the Met. We had three wigs between us. Of course Fay got the most service out of them. But I dressed whenever time let me, and I could look quite feminine. Fay and I often went out as girl friends, and the most notice we ever inspired was a pass from a man who went regularly to the same bar we went to.

"With all my femininity I'm sure you think Fay and I could have been no more than friends. I thought the same thing at first. So I would try to act as a real man should. But Fay could see through the facade. She told me she loved me for myself, not for anything I could act like. Fay always had accepted me fully, and when I learned to fully accept myself we got along perfectly, even sexually.

"We got along so well that in the pregnant. I was a little worried at first baby, or to be really honest

spring of '62, Fay got about having to rear a I was terrified. I was afraid I wouldn't provide it with the necessary father image. For the first time I was ashamed to take my problem to Fay. But the more thought I gave it, the more my maternal instinct began to guide me. I rationalized the problem about the father image

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